Please Turn It Off

It started earlier this week on one evening commute. First, I should provide some background reference, lest you be left believing I was just crabby or particularly easily irritated this week. (I wasn't!) Generally on the metro, the conductors just announce the stations as you arrive (sometimes as you depart), and they do that very incoherently most of the time. And typically very quietly.  "Next stop, Foggy Bottom." [Side note: whenevener I hear that one I still fight the urge to snicker inexplicably in a Beavis and Butthead type way (uh.huh.huh.huh…he said bottom).] But typically it just comes across "Wahwahwahwahwaa" like the voice of Charlie Brown's teacher.  

So the fact that I could hear the conductor so clearly is what got my attention. And not just mine -- when you can suddenly hear a loud announcement, everyone's headphones (earphones?) come out for a second to see what kind of delay we're in for this time. Only there was no delay.

The conductor seemed to be attempting some type of comedy related to the slow speed we were travelling, "I think it was last week when I was on this same stretch of track travelling 15 mph" and then kind of heckling the people standing on the platforms, "customers, there is no smoking on the platform, even when outside, please extinguish your tobacco product immediately."

Nothing was per se funny, but at this last one, all I could think was what the person smoking on the platform might have been thinking:

"Right, no smoking, I got it man. What you gonna do if I don't put this out? You gonna hop off that train and make me? Like this train needs another excuse to be late. I don't think so man. You trying to embarrass me in front of the other passengers? I know none of them are looking at me, they're all just wondering why you don't just shut the heck up and move that train faster."

Which simply highlighted what a tough crowd the conductor was dealing with, so I decided maybe he was being *kind of* funny, and I noticed a few other passengers giving half smiles for the effort too.

But then, three other commutes THIS WEEK were intruded upon by these jabbermouth conductors! There is really no room for that much added commentary between stations. It would seem like the easy solution is to just ignore it, but then it will be some legit information about a fire on the tracks or something to explain while I'll be DELAYED FOR THE NEXT 40 MINUTES. And I would miss it, because I'm thinking it's just some bored conductor testing his latest stand up routine.

Which is why it's NOT funny.

XOXO - do not like the jabber